I had a freaky night recently.

The other night I was over at a friends house and experienced something really strange.

It was a situation that has caused me to look at my response and try to resolve the situation my mind.

This event that we attend is a weekly occurance and it is a very special night of the week for me. It is a time when we sit and talk with some of our closest frinds, speaking what amounts to solvng the problems of the world or discovering new and exciting concepts. As I said, we do it every week, alternating between preparing different aspects of the evening meal. This time, Mrs Rastas and I did the main course. (It was a first time recipe for me, and was delightful, albeit a bit dangerous looking in the visual impact of it.)

Now, I have been struggling with going to these nights for the past month or so, as dinner is generally around the 8.30-9pm mark and it makes for a latish night. The lateness of the night I can deal with, but eating late really screws around with my eating plans and Blood Glucse levels

It is really difficult to sit and watch others eat what are ALWAYS brilliant meals, when I have eaten earlier in the night (at my usual time). In recent weeks I have left prior to dinner, and that in itself sucks big time when that is the time when much of the great discussion, comradeship and general fun occurs.

I decided that I would eat some of the dinner I prepared, primarily as it was the hosts birthday party but I wanted to try this curry properly. I served up a small portion of food for myself along with the other serves of dinner. When I went out to the table, my portion was not there, or rather it was in the process of being eaten by someone else.

I just don't know why I reacted the way I did, but I needed to go outside and cool down. There was an anger that built within me, for no apparent reason, that just welled up to the point of "pissed off-ed-ness" that was so out of character for me.

One of my frinds was in the kitchen, and I vented a little to her. Her cuddle helped a lot!!

This whole weight loss thing has been really hard for me. It is trying to change a near lifetime of habits and I have been working bloody hard at trying to be sucessful.

I have been achieving more than I believed I could in the past 6 months, so I should be happy with what is happening. But this anger just hit me out of the blue.

I am still trying to process this, and I guess I will work it out in my own time.

I always thought that the "stopping eating so much" was going to be the hard thing, but I am used to it now.

The really hard thing seems to be now, not being able to do the things I used to that were associated with food. The comraderie, or events, or activities that all surround food have become harder to accept and I think it all down to the habits and what I was used to.

It is still hard to go to the movies and not have an icecream (chocolate coated of course), and for some reason the movie is not as enjoyable as it used to be.

Anyway, I was just surprised at my reaction, and it is no ones fault, nor is it anything that wont be resolved in my mind.

What do they say??? A problem shared is a problem halved... Anyone want to share my weight problem, if so I am there!!!

Onwards!!!!





Tags: Surgery Obesity weight+loss Personal Diet Lap+Band Journey Scales